As Boudoir Photographers Continue To Slide Down The "Slope Of Misery" and Ruin Boudoir

I sound like an old grandpa espousing "...When I was a kid, we used to get candy for a nickel." Well, in this instance I'd say, "...Back when I started boudoir photography, it was all about fun and getting a cute gift." Remember those days? Boy, how photographers have f*cked things up over the past decade.

Boudoir photography is slipping. Actually, it's beyond slipping-- it's already slid down to a place of misery (and strangeness) over the past decade. And in this process many of these photographers have alienated their client bases by turning the activity into something it isn't...and something that was never wanted. They've taken a simple fun activity for women and increasingly cranked up the narratives and in the process systematically removed all the fun and the essence of what boudoir photographer is all about. You wouldn't know it these days by looking around the internet but this art form has the power to boost confidence through beautiful and fun portraits.

With over 15 years behind the camera, I’ve seen how this field can make a real difference in someone’s life. As a luxury boudoir photographer from New Jersey, my goal has always been to celebrate each woman's unique story.

Stay with us as we take a look how this last "Narrative Generation" of boudoir photographers pretty much tried to ruin the activity by trying to position themselves as the main character, and see if there are ways to bring back the joy and strength in this fun pastime.

Key Takeaways

• Boudoir photography is moving away from its original purpose of celebrating beauty and empowerment. Now, it often focuses on healing insecurities and trauma.

• This shift has led to photographers acting like unlicensed therapists, which changes the fun and creative nature of boudoir sessions.

• Marketing strategies now emphasize overcoming personal pain instead of offering playful portraits as joyful experiences or gifts.

• The industry faces challenges such as alienating clients who don't want to explore trauma during their photo sessions. This impacts cities like Chicago and Tampa.

• Encouraging a return to fun, creativity, and expression can help revive the art form. Photographers should focus on empowering women through confident and beautiful images.

The Original Purpose of Boudoir Photography: A Great Fun Gift

Let me tell you-- it's not complicated. Boudoir photography started as a way to create intimate and sensual portraits. People often gave these photos as surprise gifts. They celebrated special moments, like anniversaries, weddings or especially the Christmas season. It was a sassy little activity where women had fun, and got to step out of their every day routines.

Women felt empowered handing over such personal pictures, taken in private spaces with delicate care by professionals. You had a few laughs, took a few photos, and the boyfriends and husbands of America loved it.

In every woman's life, there's a moment worth capturing with elegance and empowerment through the lens of a camera.

Photographers would meet their clients in studios or hotel suites, aiming for the best light to highlight beauty. The session could include various outfits from lingerie to costumes, celebrating the person's unique style and confidence. Boudoir photographers took pride in their technical skill by carefully guiding women to look their best and editing photos in a style that made women feel great about themselves. It was (and is) a lot work! And a unique skill that took quite a long time to master.

This form of art was not just about taking pictures; it was about crafting memories that boosted self-esteem and joy. Simple. Fun. The way it was meant to be.

The "Slope of Misery": How Boudoir Fell From Being A Fun Activity

Boudoir photography once stood as a thriving celebration of intimacy and self-love. It was all about capturing a person's raw beauty and confidence in front of the camera, often for playful occasions like bridal showers or anniversaries.

This art form allowed individuals to see themselves in a new light, through sensual photographs that were both empowering and liberating. Photographers used their cameras as tools to highlight the elegance and strength of those they captured, making each session unique. Boudoir is, at it's heart, a simple fun way to give a gift that's a bit sassy.

Things began to change, however, shifting the focus from empowerment to healing. The industry started seeing clients not just as subjects for beautiful photographs but as people needing repair. Taking photos wasn't enough for photographers, and they started to assume a role as "healer" and slowly started to position themselves as the main character.

This shift turned photographers into unlicensed therapists of sorts, where sessions became more about addressing insecurities rather than celebrating one's body and spirit. The fun aspect slowly faded away, leaving behind an air of seriousness that wasn’t there before.

Part of it was photographers injecting their personal politics into their business. Part of it was boudoir photographers wanting to make themselves seem more self-important and trying to turn boudoir photography into something that it just, well, isn't. And thus began the "Slope of Misery."

The Initial Shift Pushing Boudoir Photography Towards Addressing Insecurities

Boudoir photographers slowly began assuming roles beyond simply capturing beauty; they aimed to help clients confront their insecurities. This all started in earnest perhaps twelve years or so ago. This shift slowly started to dilute the original fun spirit of intimate photography, as more and more photographers started pointing out how woman have these "insecurities" and how the magic power of a boudoir photographer could fix them simply by pointing a camera.

Feeling a little insecure about your love handles? Don't worry we can fix it. Maybe you don't feel so great about your body? Don't worry we can fix it. It originally started as a marketing message to broaden the appeal of boudoir photography-- to make the public aware that boudoir photography was an activity everyone could enjoy... not just prime physical specimens. The problem was, however, that the boudoir photographers took that "you're amazing as you are... let me show you" message and turned it into "we know you have issues... but we can fix them." Which is kind of the inverse...

Instead of focusing on empowerment, many photographers started perceiving their work as a means to heal emotional wounds. And they loved it! I'm not just a photographer--I'm a healer! As they leaned into this new role, photographers altered how they approached their subjects and started marketed their businesses in a different manner.

Pointing out "insecurities" was just the beginning, however. For the magical boudoir photographers, this was just the start of them discovering their "healing" powers and pointing out all the issues of women across America...

Boudoir Photographers Starting Assuming A Role Beyond Photographer to "Heal" Client Insecurities

At this point an increasing number of boudoir photographers now see themselves as more than just image-makers. They feel obligated to point out and help clients conquer their insecurities through intimate photography. This shift places them in a challenging position.

Photographers now find themselves assuming the role of unlicensed therapists instead of focusing solely on crafting beautiful images.

This change in responsibility can distort the original joy found in boudoir sessions. The art form, once aimed at celebrating beauty and confidence, now starts to lean into "healing" wounds and more importantly, the photographers messaging starts to point out that all women have these "insecurities" -- and it takes a boudoir photographer to heal them.

Slowly, and steadily photographers start to change the messaging on their websites to state how life is unfair, all women are damaged, and of course, the boudoir photographer can heal you. Then, to compound this effect, when boudoir photographer "Debbie" noticed her competitors across town started "fixing" insecurities... she thought she better be doing this too... because she didn't want to be seen as a "lesser" boudoir photographer (and she wanted to be a healer, too!) So, boudoir photographers, who aren't exactly known for being independent thinkers, started copying each other, and BOOM before you knew it, most photographers were suddenly in the "fixing" game.

Then Boudoir Starts Being Marketed As A Means Of Overcoming Personal Pain

--But boudoir photographers weren't content with fixing "insecurities."

The photographers thought, "Well, 'insecurities' aren't enough... what else can we fix? I know, emotional pain!" Boudoir photography began shifting towards an image of personal healing. Photographers started to present their work as a way for clients to face deep emotions and past traumas. After all, if you have anointed yourself with healing powers-- why stop at insecurities?

Boudoir Photographers Assume The Role of Unlicensed Therapists

At this stage, many boudoir photographers find themselves wearing multiple hats. They've essentially positioned themselves to become unlicensed therapists, guiding clients through insecurities to make them "whole." Again, the marketing message pushed further down "the slope" and now boudoir photographers were noting that women everywhere were fraught with "personal pain," and the boudoir photographer was the one to create the "healing" and "rebuilding" of the broken women of America.

New boudoir photographers started popping up from everywhere. Many of which, just several months or weeks before could have been working in a completely unrelated field such coffee shop, or had failed careers as MLM "Boss Babes." This didn't matter. Simply by announcing the fact that they suddenly just became a boudoir photographer they magically claimed these "healing powers"-- not to mention most of these women had zero to limited photography technical skills or experience, but that certainly wouldn't get in the way of them shouting out they were "changing lives!" It was quite ridiculous.

The marketing of boudoir photography had shifted dramatically at this point. Now, many promote sessions as ways to heal pain. And one had to wonder, if you weren't jumping on the "pain train," were you really even a boudoir photographer?

Despite all their mystical wisdom this group made a tactical error, however. By assuming this dual role, and their ever intensifying messaging of "fixing" and "healing" they also started to unwittingly alienate a large part of their customer base with this polarizing messaging.

Why "fixing" and "broken women?" This movement stems from a leftist ideology that women are victims. Compound that with photographers making their personal political beliefs an overt part of their business, and you've the makings of a giant echo chamber. These photographers all got swept up in these newly created boudoir narratives they created for themselves and pushed way to far... and too fast, and in the process completely blinded themselves to the fact that most women interested in a boudoir session simply wanted a cute gift-- and that's it. They weren't looking to be "fixed." Women were doing just fine and had no interest in the "healing" powers of a new boudoir photographer with six weeks of camera experience.

The Growth of "Broken Women Marketing." Boudoir Photographers Seeing All Women As Damaged For Them To Fix

By this point, boudoir photographers started going off the rails. They would open the windows in the boudoir studios and look out across the land only to see broken women everywhere in need of repair. This mindset has led to the rise of "Broken Women Marketing." Photographers simply were all out marketing their sessions as a way to help clients overcome all kinds of mental health issues and their message was clear-- it seemed that every women out there was "broken."

And the photographers loved it. After all, it was as much about them as it was the client. They strengthened their positions as unlicensed therapists, and were ready to heal the imagined ills of American women.

This change affects how boudoir photography is perceived. Instead of celebrating women's beauty, it more and more emphasizes personal pain and victimization. Do you think these photographers had gone far enough? Well no! There must be more they can fix! Next stop on the "Slope of Misery..." Trauma!

Not to be outdone in the race to claim better "magical healing powers," boudoir photographers kept pushing further in this absurd marketing race to "out heal" their fellow "fixers" and were now talking about how they can fix women suffering from trauma. Photographers started pitching trauma-informed approaches, and how sensitive and carefully they handle women who have suffered trauma and can start rebuilding them through photography further entrenching this narrative.

Then Boudoir Further Descends To Be About "Trauma"

It would not be unusual now to see boudoir photographers espousing about trauma. (Don't believe me? Do a quick Google Search.) Photographers will use jargon implying they are somehow accredited to manage people suffering from trauma. Photographers market these sessions as ways to address personal pain and emotional scars.

Marketing Boudoir as "Trauma-Informed"

Boudoir photography has shifted significantly. An increasing number of photographers now market their work as "trauma-informed" or other such lingo further trying to represent themselves as mental health professionals. This approach often suggests they can help clients heal from deep personal pain, or at the least, they are somehow more qualified and "care more" than other's playing along in the "fixing" game.

--And just a simple point I have to make. I'm not trying to position these photographers as trying to do harm to women. I believe many of these photographers are, in their heads, trying to do good, but boudoir photographers do not have any more magical ability to fix trauma than a hair stylist. If you saw stylists suddenly marketing their "cut & colors" as magical tools to fix emotionally scarred women-- it would certainly be strange and out of place. But in the echo chamber world of boudoir... these culty photographers see this behavior is seen as normal.

And that's pretty much the essence of what this mind virus is... a cult. And just like in cult behavior, anyone who stands up and questions anything, is attacked. There is no tolerance for any questions or critical inquiry. There cannot be any other opinion other than "we are healers." The leader is always correct.

Photographers unintentionally or intentionally taking on the role of unlicensed therapists is scary to potential clients. These photographers often see their clients through the lens of trauma rather than celebrating individuality and strength. This shift impacts the art form itself, and as I noted earlier leads to an alienation of potential client bases.

Boudoir should inspire fun and expression instead, encouraging photographers to return to its original purpose: showcasing beauty with joy and confidence in mind.

The Impact on the Art Form

Boudoir photography faces significant challenges today. Many see it as a decline from its original purpose. This art form once offered joyful experiences and fun gifts for couples.

Now, many photographers focus on insecurities and trauma rather than capturing beauty. This shift can alienate clients who seek empowerment through art.

As boudoir becomes more about healing personal pain, photographers risk losing the essence of what it mean to be a boudoir photographer. The industry's emphasis on "trauma-informed" practices changes how people view boudoir photography and many photographers lack the self awareness to even notice.

Instead of celebrating confidence, these trends might limit artistic expression. Boudoir should inspire joy and self-acceptance rather than dwell solely on past hurts or emotional struggles, which affects its overall impact as an art form.

Alienation of Client Bases

Boudoir photography has faced significant changes, leading to a disconnect with some client bases. Many of these photographers now focus too heavily on addressing insecurities rather than celebrating individual beauty.

This shift alienates clients who once sought playful portraits and joyful experiences. Instead of offering fun gifts for partners, the emphasis has turned toward deep emotional healing. The politically charged boudoir photographer looks out and sees nothing but pain and sees all women as damaged.

Potential clients may feel uncomfortable with this heavy approach. This is the main reason why your business need to maintain a neutral political stance. This is why companies largely avoid coming down on one political side or the other in their marketing or messaging. In can lead to backlash, loss of clientele, and can have a huge impact on your business.

Remember: This country is split pretty evenly in a political sense. Taking an extreme position, or even chopping down moderately on one side, can potentially alienate 75% or more of your potential clientele.

And here's the thing: women are pretty OK. There are a huge number of women out there that simply want a cute anniversary gift. They are well. They don't want healing. I've had conversations with numerous clients over the years who contacted a boudoir photographer inquiring about getting a fun anniversary session... and received an earful of "healing" talk and how they'd be "made whole" again by visiting boudoir photographer "X."

The shocking thing is this idea of women being OK is lost on this entire group of boudoir photographers who've embraced this "healing" identity. They see everyone as "sick" and they have the "cure."

Photographers must recognize that not everyone wants to explore trauma during their photo sessions. Believe it or not... boudoir is simply at its core a fun gift idea! Finding balance is crucial for rekindling excitement in boudoir photography and attracting diverse clientele again. These photographers really have no concept of how much they have alienated a huge percentage of their potential client bases!

The next step involves understanding the need for change in boudoir photography practices to restore its original charm and appeal.

The Need for Change in Boudoir Photography

Boudoir photography needs a fresh perspective. Remarkably, the "less is more" approach-- when referring to emotional weight-- aligns with what many women want out of a boudoir photography session.

Things are cyclical. With the recent AI bot crackdown of boudoir photography material on social media, along with the economic downturn over the past 4 years, many of these boudoir photographers have closed shop. Perhaps this is a cleansing of sorts.

Artists must return to the roots of this craft, emphasizing empowerment and excitement. Perhaps the next generation of boudoir photographers will bring a fresh approach to the art form and return it to what it's supposed to be--fun.

Just a tip for any new boudoir photographers finding this article-- There is zero need to talk about "fixing" anyone or making assumptions about your client base. Simply create fun and exciting gifts for women, and you'd be surprised at the response. --And besides... why would you want to use the same tired marketing message as everyone else in your area for the past decade? Don't push further down that "slope of misery..." start pulling yourself out!

Marketing strategies require adaptation to remain relevant in today’s landscape. Marketing is also something that can take quite a bit of education and study to learn. The tired message that boudoir photographers have been espousing for over a decade is just worn out... and dead.

From time to time I receive a message from a young photographer asking about getting started in boudoir photography. The essential ingredient is, of course, a love of creating beautiful photography. This was not a priority of the "Narrative Generation" of boudoir photographers, but perhaps for your generation it will be! Photographers should prioritize showcasing individual beauty and fun--- and oh, one other thing-- BEING GOOD TECHNICAL PHOTOGRAPHERS and leaving the tired narratives behind. If you're a young boudoir photographer and would like to chat, you can reach out to me here.

If you can create beautiful photography with a fun experience clients will come. This, again, takes lots of practice and hard work, two things the "Narrative Generation" wasn't interested in, either. People today are smart enough to see through these tired boudoir narratives of "changing lives," and what they see are just a bunch of shitty photographers leaning on a broken crutch.

Embracing these changes leads to a more positive atmosphere that clients crave now and will benefit from greatly moving forward into new opportunities in the field.

Returning to the Roots: Fun and Expression

The shift back to fun and expression (and technical excellence) in boudoir photography can revive the art form. Focus on capturing joy and confidence. These themes empower women, making them feel special and valued during their sessions.

Sessions should celebrate personal achievements or act as surprise gifts for partners. Boudoir photographers should embrace creative freedom instead of treating clients solely as subjects needing healing.

People are not attracted to "doom." That's the reason why your local ice cream shop does not market itself by talking about how unfair the world is for women. Your local salad restaurant doesn't market itself by saying "we know all women are damaged," and have a "salad counselor" who sits with your during your lunch to "rebuild" you with salad therapy. That would be fucking weird... BUT in the boudoir photography world that's EXACTLY the way you'd do it! Just stop.

Highlight strengths. Highlight positive messages. Highlight fun. Create a vibrant atmosphere where women express themselves freely through playful poses and elegant outfits. Create an upbeat message that excites women to come in and work with you. Rediscovering the original purpose can inject positivity back into this beautiful craft. Imagine crafting a message of FUN.

Encouraging New Boudoir Photographers

New boudoir photographer need to do one simple thing... That is to NOT do anything they see the other "Narrative Generation" boudoir photographers in their town doing, and to craft a message of positivity.

Embrace the roots of boudoir photography and bring back the playful spirit that many have lost. ...And yes, a boudoir session can be just a bunch of cute, sexy photos. You'll be amazed at how your clients will react when you greet them with happiness and provide a positive experience. They'll be smiling. As I noted earlier... women are all pretty OK. Looking out at the universe of women and seeing nothing but shattered souls is pretty grim and sets a pretty self-defeating message.

This positive message begins on your website copy. Follows through to your pre-shoot consultations. And ultimately culminates at the session experience. Make your clients excited. Make them feel comfortable. Let them have fun. And you'll have a client for life.

Conclusion

Boudoir photography is empowering, but not meant for healing. Boudoir photographers can be artists, but they are not therapists. Boudoir photography started as a fun way to celebrate beauty. Over time, a certain group of photographers shifted to addressing insecurities and trauma. This change alienated many clients and diluted the art form. Boudoir photographers were too busy thinking about themselves, and not what clients actually wanted. These photographers were not satisfied with learning how to create beautiful photos, but were more interested in becoming "healers."

Returning boudoir photography to its roots could bring joy back into this practice. Some of us never left, but many took a wrong turn and tried to morph boudoir photography into a mental health service.

As a note to new photographers, boudoir is about beauty and making women feel great about themselves... and, well, creating cute gifts! Don't overthink it.

Photographers can focus on empowering their subjects through playful expression. Let's embrace fun and creativity in boudoir photography once again!